anaby

Goo Goo Dolls
'Without You Here'

Your love's a gathered storm I chased across the sky
A moment in your arms became the reason why
And you're still the only light that fills the emptiness
The only one I need until my dying breath
And I would give you everything just to
Feel your open arms
And I'm not sure I believe anything I feel

And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you
Without you here

And I'm trying to believe
In things that I don't know
The turning of the world
The color of your soul
That love could kill the pain
Truth is never vain
It turns strangers into lovers
And enemies to brothers
Just say you understand
I never had this planned

And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you
Without you here
Without you here
There's nothing more without you
Without you here

My head lies to my heart
And my heart it still believes
It seems the ones who love us are the ones
That we deceive
But you're changing everything
You're changing everything in me

And now, now that you're near
There's nothing more without you
Without you here

~*~*~*~

Goo Goo Dolls
'Let Love In'

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

ÜKS VÄLJAVÕTE EESTIS ALKOHOLI TARBIMISEL ÜHE INIMESE KOHTA:

Numbrid ja faktid (www.alkoinfo.ee)
Eestis juuakse alkoholi kaugelt rohkem kui tervisele ohutu ning tarbimine on aastate jooksul pidevalt kasvanud.

Puhast alkoholi tarvitati Eestis 2008. aastal ühe elaniku kohta 11,9 liitrit (Eesti Konjuktuurinstituut, 2009), mis teeb aastas ühe Eestis elava inimese kohta (sh lapsed ja vanurid!) kas 30 liitrit viina, 520 pooleliitrist pudelit 4,6% õlut või 133 kolmveerandliitrist pudelit 12% veini.

Need numbrid käivad KÕIGI Eestis elavate inimeste kohta: ka iga vastsündinu, laps ja vanainimene joob aastas ligi 12 liitrit puhast alkoholi, siia hulka on arvestatud ka salaalkohol. Turistide kaasa ostetud ja kohapeal joodud kogused on sellest numbrist maha arvestatud.

Alkoholi tarvitamine on aastate jooksul pidevalt kasvanud. Kui 2000. aastal joodi Eestis ühe elaniku kohta 7,6 liitrit puhast alkoholi, siis 2008. aastal juba 11,9 liitrit. Eesti inimene on alkoholitarbimises Euroopas teisel kohal, veel rohkem juuakse ainult Tšehhi Vabariigis. Soomes ja Taanis joodi 2006. aastal 10 liitrit, Norras 6,2 liitrit ja Islandil 5,6 liitrit (EKI, 2008) . Maailma Terviseorganisatsiooni (WHO) hinnangul toob tarbimine juba üle 6 liitri absoluutalkoholi elaniku kohta aastas kaasa tõsised kahjud rahva tervisele.

Eestis elavad eestlased joovad alkoholi rohkem kui siin elavad muudest rahvustest inimesed.

Keskmiselt joob iga inimene aastas:
76 liitritl õlut;
4 liitrit siidrit;
19 liitrit muud lahjat alkoholi (segatud piiritusjoogid jmt);
10,4 liitrit viina;
3,2 liitrit muud kanget alkoholi.
Inimesed alahindavad oma joodud alkoholikoguseid
Inimesed alahindavad oma alkoholitarbimist, pidades seda väiksemaks kui see tegelikult on. Kuigi 76% inimestest tõdevad, et Eestis juuakse palju, siis enda alkoholitarbimist hinnatakse pigem väheseks (58%) või mõõdukaks (25%), vaid 2% hindab oma alkoholitarbimist suureks (EKI, 2009). 15% inimestest väidab, et nad ei joo üldse alkoholi.

Inimesed ei taju, et nende joodavad kogused on pidevalt suurenenud. Alkoholi müük Eestis on aasta-aastalt suurenenud, samal ajal on vähenenud nende inimeste arv, kes peavad oma joomist mõõdukaks ja suurenenud nende arv, kes peavad seda väheseks.

~*~*~*~

2008 aasta terviseuuringu kohaselt tarvitab Eestis iga elanik aastas 11,9 liitrit (puhast) alkoholi. Euroopas oleme TEISEL kohal. Esimesel kohal on Tšehhi. WHO tervishoiuorganisatsiooni kohaselt põhjustab juba üle 6 liitri alkoholi tarbimine isiku kohta tõsiseid tervise kahjustusi.
Eestis elab 1,3 miljonit inimest, ja iga inimese kohta juuakse 11,9 liitrit alkoholi. Uurimuses on ka sees vanurid ja lapsed (arvestades asjaolu, et vanuritel on alkoholi joomine üldjuhul piiratum, ja lapsed ju ei joo. Vähemalt teatud vanusepiirini umbes mitte). Sinna hulka on arvestatud ka salaalkohol. Maha aga on arvestatud eksport, ehk alkohol, mida viiakse Eestist välja (välismaalaste poolt). Kuna see 11,9 liitrit absoluutalkoholi on leitud KOGU rahvaarvu põhjal, siis kui lapsed ja vanurid mõtteliselt selle koguse tarbimise juurest eemaldada, on reaalsus ühe inimese kohta keskmiselt tarbitav alkoholi kohus lihtsalt kohutav. Usun, et kui see number mitte ei kahekordistu, siis ligilähedaselt küll (arvestades ka tarbimis koguse ja sageduse varieeruvusi tarbiva elanikkonna seas).

Absoluutalkohol = 100% alkoholi
Aga me joome erineva kangusega alkoholi: viina, veini, kergemaid alkohoolseid jooke nagu siider, õlu, gin toonik jne jne.

ÜHE Eestis elava inimese kohta (sh lapsed ja vanurid!) kas 30 liitrit viina, 520 pooleliitrist pudelit 4,6% õlut või 133 kolmveerandliitrist pudelit 12% veini.

Vat nii on lood.
Nüüd võtke lapse ja vanurid arvestusest välja.

Pilt on lihtsalt kurb.

~*~*~*~

According to year 2008 health research the consumption of (pure) alcohol per each person in a year in Estonia is 11,9 liters. In Europe we are in SECOND place. On the first place there is Chech Republic. According to a healthcare organisation WHO, consuming over 6 liters of alcohol per person, will result in serious health problems.
There lives 1,3 million people in Estonia, and for every person there has been drinked 11,9 liters of alcohol. In the research the elderly and children are included aswell (taking into account the circumstances that the consumption of alcohol with elderly is usually rather limited, and the kids do not drink. At least until a certain age limit.). In this number there has also included the bootleg alcohol. But they have taking out of the account the export, in other words alcohol, which is taken out from Estonia (by the foreigners). Because this 11,9 liters absolute alcohol has been found based on the WHOLE population, then if to take children and elderly people away from this consumption, the reality according to the average consumption of alcohol becames just horrible. I believe, if the number won't double, then at least something very close to it (taking into accound the amount and frequency variety among the consuming population itself).

Absolute alcohol = 100% of alcohol.
But we drink different strongness of alcohol: vodka, wine, lighter alcoholic drinks such as cider, beer, gin tonic etc. etc.

Per ONE person living in Estonia (including children and elders!) either 30 liters of vodka, 520 half-liter bottles of 4,6% beer or 133 0,75l bottles of wine of 12%.

Tha'ts how it is.
Now take the children and elders out of the account.

The picture is just sad.

Asutasime A.H ja K.N-ga raamatuklubi, kuhu ootame veel vähemalt ühte liiget. Hakkame umbes kord kuus või üle 2 kuu kokku saama. Tõotatud on palju toredaid päevi/õhtuid ees ootamas, mis igatpidi hubased.

Esimeseks raamatuks on Carlos Ruiz Zafóni menuraamat 'Tuule vari'. (La Sombra del Viento) Mul on see mõned kuud tagasi tegelikult juba läbi loetud, kuid teen seda uuesti (detailsemalt). See oli minu soovitus, just too raamat valida. Miks? Kuna muud, mida oleksin pakkunud olid kas inglise keelsed või liialt filosoofilised, mis ei pruugi olla teiste huvi. Ootan aga põnevusega, mida pakub välja K ja A oma kordadel. Järgmiseks korraks on mul ka vist juba raamat olemas.

Tore on jagada mingit huvi kaasinimestega - nii imelik kui see ei tundu, pole ma varem seda teha saanud. Tänud K-le ja A-le, kes selle idee peale tulid ja asja käsile võtsid! Tulen hää meelega Teiega kaasa selles.

Parimat,
L.

Eile käisin esimest korda elus TaiChi trennis. See on selline poolmeditatiivne aeglane erinevate liigustuskomponentide jada. Treener oli hiinlane (Yongsheng Sheng), kes rääkis märksõnadega vene keelt, mida ma niikuinii ei oska. Aga kehakeele järgi sain enamasti kõigest aru. Ja sellest, millele ta püüdis tähelepanu osutada. Enamasti.

Kuna ma ei tunne neid samme ja olen harjunud võibolla kiirema ja jõulisema treeninguga, siis olin väheke elemendist väljas ja oma liikumises hakitud (kuigi peaks olema sujuv, rahulik, meditatiivne) - vist liiga palju mõtlesin nende sammukomponentidele. See ajas treeneri naerma ja ta õpetas mulle, kuidas õigesti teha, aga kuna korraga pidi nii paljudele asjadele mõtlema (sammud nii käte kui jalgade ja tasakaalu säilitamisega jne), siis olin ilmselt liiga tehniline ja liikusin konarlikult. Ma ise ka naersin enda üle. Aga lõpus juba hakkas paremini sujuma. Kokku oli meid 5.

Tore kogemus oli, ja kuigi paljud ei läheks ilmselt sinna trenni tagasi keelebarjääri tõttu, siis mina leidsin, et see on hea võimalus toetuda muudele meeltele ja olla rohkem avatumad kõigele võõrale ja julgeda ka end panna situatsiooni, kus pead tegema midagi, mida kunagi kas teinud pole, või milles võid end nö. (vast enamasti ainult enese silmis) veidi rumalana näida.

Julgege proovida erinevaid asju!
Pange end proovile!
Julgege!

Parimat,
Liina

Elu on imelik.

Ma nägin täna umbes neljandat korda 'täiesti juhuslikult' (?) seda sama inimest (keda nägin kord bussis), ja kuigi mul on olnud sisetundest tulenev tahtmine temaga natuke juttu puhuda, ja tema kohta rohkem teada saada, suutsin ma täna temast möödudes vaid pooleldi talle lehvitada ja öelda 'Hello!'. Ja siis asusin kodupoole teele. Kuigi mul oli tunne, et peaksin temaga rääkima minema. Ma luban endale, et järgmine kord ma teen seda. Kui tuleb veel üks võimalus.

Vanamoodne? Natuke küll.
Aga sellest valehäbist tuleb lahti saada ja julgeda ka oma kestast kasvõi esialgu ninagi välja pista.

~*~*~*~

Live is odd.

I saw the same person (that I saw once in a bus) for about the fourth time 'as a total coincidence', and even though I have had a wannting coming from the inner feeling to talk to him and to find out more about him, all I could do today passing by him was to half way wave him and say 'Hello!'. And then I set my way back to home. Although I had a feeling that I should go and talk to him. I promise myself the nect time I will do it. If there will be another chance.

Oldfashioned? A little.
But this falseshame should be something to get rid off and to dare to come ouf of ones shell, even if it's only poking Your nose out of it at first.

Veel kord.

Kui piisavalt palju magada, mitte passida ööde kaupa üleval, ja rahuldada oma kehale seatud vajadusi, saab aju piisavalt puhkust ja seedimine kiireneb. Samas ärgates oled puhanud, õnnelik, närvisüsteem on saanud puhata - oled rahulik ja rahulolev. Omakorda selline hingeseisund tagab enamasti positiivsemaid päevasündmuseid (kuna reageerime kõigele adekvaatselt, magamatusest asjata närvi minemata une deprivatsiooni tagajärjel), mis toob veelgi positiivsema enesetunde. Lisaks ka ei teki liigseid kilosid, kuna keha on öösel saanud varuda endale jõudu, puhata ja uuendada magamise ajal rakke, ilma et keha tunneks vajadust (söödud) energiat kehas kinni hoida vähese magamise tõttu. Teisisõnu, et hoida energiat, mida keha töötamiseks vajab, käitubki keha selliselt just seetõttu, et sa pole piisavalt maganud. Vähemalt mitte piisavalt Sinu keha jaoks. Ja Su keha teab seda. (Stressi refleks - kui me stressame, kehaliselt või psühholoogiliselt, refleks võtab tarvitusele kõik abinõud, et hoida meid stabiilse ja funktsioneerivana, hoides energiat ja pannes samas meie kehale ekstra koormuse, et seda säilitada). Seda ei saa petta. Loodust ei saa petta.

Seega - magage ennast ilusaks!

PS! Ma ei võrdsusta ilu noorusega.

Vahel on kõige elementaarsemad asjad lahenduseks.
Vahel puudub meil elementaarne (kodutud, stress, kohustused), et ennast õnnelikuks teha.
Vahel me teeme igasuguseid trikke nähes millegi saavutamiseks vaeva, kuigi lahendus on lihtne.
Vahel me ei oska arvatagi, et lihtsuses peitub elu mõte.
Vahel me ei oska enesega rahu sõlmida ja püüame enesega sõdida (teadmata, et see teeb meie elu keerulisemaks).

~*~*~*~

Once again.

If one would sleep enough, doesn't stay up at nights and would satisfy the needs of one's body, the brain will recieve enough rest and the digesting goes faster. At the same time waking up after a good night rest You will feel well rested, happy, the nervous system has been able to rest - You're calm and content. This state of soul will also mostly turn into more positive daily happenings (because we will react more adequate towards everything, without getting angry/nervous from the sleep deprivation), which will also bring us more positive state of mind. To the addition there will be no added kilos, because Your body has been able to renew its strenght, to rest and renew the cells during sleeping, without having to keep the (eaten) energy bottled inside Your body due to sleep deprivation. In other words, to sustain the energy that Your body needs to work, it will do it by keeping the energy, concerning that You have not slept enough. At least not enough for Your body. And Your body knows it. (The reflex of stress - if we are stressing ,either our mind or body, the reflex will take all means to keep us functioning and stable, hold the energy in and put extra effort on our bodies to sustain it.) Can't fool it. Can't fool nature.

So - sleep (enough) to become beautiful!

PS! I do not equalize beauty with youth.

At times the most elementary things are the solution.
At times we lack the elementary (homeless, stress, duties), to become happy.
At times we do all kinds of tricks and labour to accomplish something, although the solution is simple.
At times we can't see, that in simplicity lies the point of life.
At times we don't know how to make peace with ourselves and we try to battle ourselves (without knowing that it makes our life harder).

Kui mõned inimesed suudavad vaid öelda 'Halleluja!', siis mina suudan praegu öelda vaid: Paul Auster, Oraakli öö, 18. september 1982. Täiesti haiglane "kokkusattumus". 360? 83- 360 päeva = 82. Psühho väk. Igatahes see raamat pidi minu kätte sattuma ja ma pean selle lähiajal läbi lugema. Unenäod räägivad meiega... Ma ei taha uskuda, et see fenomen, mis praegu toimub, on justkui väljunud Viktor Pelevini teosest 'Arvud' ja et täidan peaosa raamatus, sarnaselt selle teose peategelasega, kus unenägudest tulevad märgid (seekord arvu 360 näol) võtavad minu üle võimust. Ei... asi pole ülepaisutamises või juhuste/konspiratsioonide või mingi muu (ebatõenäolise kuid) vajaliku seose leidmises. Selles raamatus oli kuju, kelle kogu elu keerles numbri 34 ümber (ja hiljem 43, nagu ta arvas, et see ka väljenduda võib). Sarnaneb piinatud geeniuse sündroomiga. Aga see, millest rääkisin, pole raamat mingist tegelasest... seekord pole see fiktsioon.

Inimesed üldjuhul ei usu sellistesse asjadesse, mis on seletamatud (teooriate, faktidega, mida pole võimalik mõõta). Aga mul pole muud valikut. Sest tõde on tõde ja jääb tõeks. Isegi kui on olemas skeptikuid, kes tahavad selle eest teisi risti lüüa (piltlikult rääkides), alandada, naeruvääristada, ja end sel moel targema ja paremana tunda. Kuigi tegelikult tegemist on mitte mõistmise, enda komplekside või vähese huvi näitamine meie ümbritseva ja meie ense sees 'oleva' maailma vastu. Aga õnneks on ka mõistvaid.

Uskumatu.

Tänupisar.

~*~*~*~

If some people can only say 'Hallelujah!', then I am able to only say: Paul Auster, Oracle Night, 18th of September, 1982. A sickly "coincidence". 360? 83 - 360 days = 82. Psycho stuff. Anyway this book was meant to end in my hands and in the near future I will have to read it. Dreams talk to us... I don't want to believe, that this phenomen, which is going on right now, is almost as it is alighted from a book of Viktor Pelevin 'Numbers' and that I am in the main lead, similar to the main character from that book, where in my dreams I recieve signs (this time in the means of the number 360) that take over me. No... it is not about overexpanding or coincidences/conspiracies or anything else (that seems unrealistic but at the same time) as finding much needed coherence. In this book there was a person, whos whole life twirled around the number 34 (and later 43, as he assumed, that it can utterly be aswell). It is similar with the tortured genius syndrome. But this, which I talked about, is not a book about some character... this time it is not a fiction.

People generally do not believe in things that are unexplainable (by theories, facts, which are unpossible to measure). But I don't have any other choice. Because truth is truth and will remain truth. Even if there are sceptics, who want to cross others for that (figuratively speaking), to humiliate, to mock, and therefore to feel smarter and better about themselves. Although in reality the reasons for it is not understanding, their own complexes or small interest in the world that surrounds us and 'is in' ourselves. But thankfully there are those that are undersanding.

Unreal.

Tear of thankfulness.

~*~*~*~

18.10.82
18.09.82

~*~*~* 

About coincidences:
Instances of coincidence can be found all over Auster's work. Auster himself claims that people are so influenced by all the consistent stories that surround them, that they do not see the elements of coincidence, inconsistency and contradiction in their own lives...

Ja ma just praegu sain ühe.

~*~*~*~

Auster's protagonists often go through a process that reduces their support structure to an absolute minimum: They sever all contact with family and friends, go hungry and lose or give away all their belongings. Out of this approximation of their nil they either acquire new strength to reconnect with the world or they fail and disappear for good.

“

But in the end, he manages to resolve the question for himself - more or less. He finally comes to accept his own life, to understand that no matter how bewitched and haunted he is, he has to accept reality as it is, to tolerate the presence of ambiguity within himself.

”

Someone shared their idea: "I have this crazy idea… imagine if the world worked to care about each other and our first priority was helping others."

~*~*~*~

Yes, very crazy indeed to once in Your life think first about another, instead of Yourself (and Your benefits). (A bit ironically said).

But Your crazy idea is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot myself. Especially the first sentence - the whole world, every single person, not just companies and organisations. Many individuals (as well as organisations) actually do this sort of thing, but out those, who really do care and are unegoistic, often many go unnoticed and are forgotten in life. Not all get positive attention and a kind word of praise. Is it even needed, You ask? Can do without. Sure. Those kind of people do not do “nice things” because their priority is to get kind words or to be praised, but because they get their praise in the moment they see from the persons eyes, the laughter they hear or something else.
But wouldn’t it be fair and kind to also raise them up, as a positive example?

How would it make a difference, if we stepped out of the world that every day tries to lead us on some path, if we stopped, even if for a bit, thought about it, and started to live and act out of love for life, others and ourselves (unegoistically). How about that?

~*~*~*~

Ma ei saa minna selle kõigega kaasa ja laskuda enesehaletsuse mängudesse, mida mängitakse. Ma kipun olema aus ka situatsioonis, kus võibolla ehk loodetakse kuulda magusaid või kahetsevaid või süüd omastavaid sõnu. Ma ei saa - sest ma pean olema aus enesega ja kui ütlen, siis ütlen seda, mida mõtlen. See on nii minu voorus kui ka minu hukatus. Aga sinna pole midagi parata, teisiti ei saa... selgitan:

Ma valutan seest, sest ma tean, et ma ei saa alati aidata, kuna ma ei saa panna inimest nägema asju läbi minu vaatenurga (või läbi minu silmade), kui tal pole selle vaatenurga olemusest, ehedusest ja tõelisusest e. olemasolust aimu, kokkupuudet ega teadmisi. Ega ka usku sellesse. Ma olen kurb, et maailmas on nii palju raskusi, valu, mis meile tekitatakse ja mida vahel ka ise enesele tekitame. Kohati selline valu, mida oleme elu jooksul pidanud tunda saama, pimestab meie meeli ja mõistust, ning näeme elu vaid teatud prisma läbi, olles südames kibestunud, valus ja arvates, et meid lisaks sellele valule ka ei mõisteta.

Kui elu lained on meid rasinud, paisanud nii ühte kui teise kohta, on mõistagi raske näha võimalust, et mingi hetk vesi muutub kärestiku asemel tasaselt ja kontrollitult sujuvaks voolamiseks. Ja sellises meeleheitlikus edasi-tagasi pekslemises (kui selle sees parasjagu olla) ongi raske uskuda ja loota, et midagi sellist juhtuda saaks.

Üks on aga selge. Elu muutmisel paremuse poole ei aita meid ei kibestumisest enese ümber müüride ehitamine - sest see loob vaid illusiooni, et oleme kaitstud, tegelikult aga oleme katkematus jadas, kust välja ei pääse - ega ka süü veeretamine teiste või eluraskuste kaela.

Ma mõistan, et meil kõigil on elus erinev start (erinev perekond, riik, linn, võimalused - nii emotsionaalsed kui materiaalsed), elu algus, kuid asi pole selles, kuidas alustad, vaid selles, kuidas oma elu elad, mis moel seda võimalust (elada) maailmas ära kasutad. (Ühel inimesel oli hea ütlus: OLULINE POLE, KUIDAS STARDID, VAID KUIDAS FINIŠEERID.) On võimalusi, eri viise, kuidas ellu suhtuda, kuid ma tooks esile viis: kas (1) kõige ja kõigi üle viriseda ja kurta oma kurba saatust, kas (2)  viriseda ja kurta, kuid mingi hetk otsustada, et aitab, väärin ka ilusat elu, (3) mitte viriseda ega kurta, elada kõik enese sisse ja olla omas nö. mullis, (4) elada kõik enesesse, kuid mingi hetk suuta ka väljapoole elada, kuid ilma teisi/elu süüdistamata, (5) lihtsalt vegeteerida, jonnakalt olla ainult omamoodi (,nägemata, et elus on kõigil midagi õppida).

Meil kõigil on omad eluraskused, mida võrdlema hakata oleks tobe - see ei viiks mitte kusagile, kuna asju, mis meie elu mõjutavad on miljoneid, samuti need viisid, kuidas erinevaid eluraskusi hindame/tabame. Enda elu kellegi teise eluga võrrelda ka väärtustelt "paremaks/halvemaks" on mõttetu. Igal ühel on oma tugevused ja nõrkused (nii minevikus, olevikus kui ka tulevikus). Samas, mis ühele tundub nõrkusena, võib olla teise jaoks tugevus. See oleneb isiksusest ja ellusuhtumisest ja valikutest.

Minu jaoks on tugevus olla enese vastu aus. Mulle meeldib lause: Ole aus iseendaga, alles siis saad olla aus ka teistega. Mida see lause eneses sisaldab? Mida võtta aususena? Mitte valetamist? Jah.
Mida sa ütleksid inimesele, kes küsib oma riietuse kohta Sinu arvamust. Pea silmas asjaolu, et sellel konkreetsel juhtumil Sulle see riietus ei meeldi, (või siis et ise Sa seda ei kannaks).
Kas ütled otse välja - 'see ei sobi Sulle', või et 'see on kole', või hoopiski, et 'mina seda ei kannaks, aga see on Sinu valik/aga Sulle see istub.'
Kas keerutad või valetad ja ütled, et 'on ilus küll' kuigi seda päriselt ei mõtle?
Teine vaatenurk on aga hoopis taibata asjaolu, et riietuslik maitse on nii individuaalne, isiksusest ja tema stiilist sõltuv (samuti ka elustiil). Kui meile midagi ei meeldi, ei tähenda veel, et see kole või vale oleks. Kui meie seda ei kannaks, ei tähenda veel kohe, et see teisele inimesele kanda ei sobiks. Me peame väljuma EGO plaanist (ehk lähtudes alati enesest) ja nägema asja suuremalt plaanilt (võttes arvesse mitmeid asjaolusid, eriti TÕDE). Mis on tõde? Et see riietusese on kole, või et me oleme nii egoistlikud, et arvame, et meie arvamus on ülim? Või peame lähtuma moest, kuna see on piibel? Miks me võtame ära teiselt inimeselt võimaluse valida ja tunda ennast hästi asjadega (aga ka tunnetega või arvamustega), mis just nende jaoks on ilusad, mida aga võibolla meie ei mõista? (No erandeid on - kui tegemist oleks mõrvariga, siis ma ei kiidaks takka tema elustiili ja valikuid - AGA see on juba teine lugu). Oma arvamust sellisel moel teisele peale surudes me seda just aga teemegi. Ja mitte ainult riietusesemeid arvustades ei tee me nii... lisaks kõigele ei mõista me üldse teisi ja nende elusid, kuna me oleme harjunud lähtuma enesest ja oma vajadustest/mõtetest ning võtma neid etalonideks. Kui nii, siis milleks me üldse vajame teisi inimesi? Milleks me vajame armastust? Saaksime ju ka üksi hakkama elus, kui poleks isegi ühtegi inimhinge maailmas peale meie. Või kas ikka saaksime? Peame lõpuks ju mõistma, et peale meie on maailmas veel teisi... ja et me tegelikult vajame TEISI INIMESI oma kõrvale. Tunnistate Te seda enesele või mitte, aga nii see on.

Kui me pole ausad iseendaga, ei saa me olla ausad ka teistega. Kui me valetame juba isegi iseendale, kuidas siis me siis saaksimegi teistega aus olla? Kuidas ka teised siis meid usaldada ja meisse uskuda saaksid, kui me pidevalt petame iseend. Me sööme alalõpmata üle, ja ütleme endale, et meil on magusaisu ja seda tuleb ju toita, kuigi tegemist on stressisöömisega. Me näljutame end, sest me tahame olla ilusad ja pilkupüüdvad, kuid tegemist on sisemiste ebakindlustega (ja puuduva enesega rahul olemisega). Me ei kuula oma keha ja me ei suuda ennast aksepteerida sellistena nagu oleme - me häbeneme iseendid. Aga miks? Pole ju põhjust. Me valetame teistele hädavalesid ('white lies'), uskudes, et nii on parem, sest siis me ei tee teistele haiget ja 'säästame' neid "valusast" tõest, kuigi tegelikult oleme liiga arad, et öelda seda, mida me peaksime või tahaksime öelda. Jne jne...

Me ei saagi eeldada, et meisse siseneks rahu, kindlameelsus, turvatunne ja armastus nii enese kui ka teiste vastu, kui me seda ainult koguaeg enesest kõrvale tõrjume oma puudustest tulevate käitumisviisidega. Kui me lõppudelõpuks ikkagi avastame, et selleks, et elada head, hingele midagi pakkuvat ja tervislikku ning produktiivset elu, pole vaja püüda (vahest võltsilt) meeldida teistele, või endale, või koguaeg maailma/teiste vastu võidelda ja ennast tõestada (kuigi seda tuleb tegelikult ju teha. Aga mitte vihast ega vastumeelsusest, vaid rõõmust, et saad olla see, kes oled), siis lõpetame ka mullis elamise ja astume inimeste sekka.

Kahju, et tänapäeva maailm ja ühiskond meie puudusi pidevalt (ka rahalistel eesmärkidel - et selle pealt teenida) ära kasutada püüavad. Ja kohati on tunne, et selleks, et ellu jääda (nii füüsilises kui vaimses mõttes) tuleb ikka olla kuradi tugev ja kindlameelne, mitte alla anda. Isegi kõige ekstreemsemates oludes (jällegi - nii füüsiliselt kui ka vaimselt).

Kõik, kes on praegu kärestikes - minge vooluga kaasa ja laske vahelduseks eluvoolul end juhtida. Vaadake elu läbi lapse siirate ja imestavate silmade, piltlikult öeldes, kui suudate. Sest voolule vastu võideldes, paaniliselt ringi sipeldes ja kätega vehkides tekitame, vastupidiselt arvamusele et päästame end, enesele hoopis kahju. MINE KÄRESTIKUGA KAASA: püüa tasapisi harjuda uue mõttega, lasta end vooluga kaasa minna, loobuda oma EGOST ja sellest tulenevatest kinnisideedest. Peagi avastad, et kärestikuline vesi on muutumas järjest rahulikumaks ja voolavamaks. Siis võibolla suudad olla tänulik, et oled elus, et Sa küll nö andusid, andsid alla ja teatud mõttes küll loobusid (kuid seda vaid positiivses mõistes - loobusid elule vastu võitlemast), kuid see viis Sind välja ohtlikust olukorrast - ja tulid välja elusa, terve, rahuliku, meelekindla ja õnnelikuna. Kärestik möödub. Aga kui me jääme lõpmatuseni rabelema, siplema, ei jõuagi me rahulikumasse tsooni.

Ma loodan, et suudame suhtuda nii enesesse kui ka teistesse ühese austuse ja AUSUSEGA.
Kallistus sellele, kes seda vajab.

Kõike head,
L.

PS! Mis te arvate, mis juhtuks siis, kui maailmast kaoks kontseptsioon rahast, piiridest (riikide vahel), usust...

~*~*~*~

I cannot go with all of this and to go along with the games of self-pity, which is played. I tend to be honest even in a situation, when maybe it is hoped to be heard sweet, regretting or blame taking words. I cannot – because I have to be honest with myself and when I say something, I will say, how I mean it (or how I think about it). This is both my virtue but also my doom. But there is nothing to do about it, because I can’t do it in any other way… I’ll explain:

I am hurting inside, because I know, that I cannot always help, because I cannot make a person to see things throught my perspective (or through my eyes), if they do not have a clue, a contact with, or knowledge about this perspectives essence, sincerety/genuity, existance. Nor belief in it. I am sad that there are so many hardships and pain in the world, which is brought upon us and which we bring upon us, ourselves. At times, the pain, that we have had to know about, during this life, will blind our senses and mind and we will become to observe life through a certain prism, at the same time being bittered in the heart, in pain, and believing that to the addition of the pain we are feeling we are neither being undersood.

If the waves of life have us tangled in them, throwing us from one spot to another, it is reasonable to see, that it is hard to see a possibility, that at some point the water may change from rapid water flowing to controlled, smooth flowing. And in this desparate forth-and-back thrash (if at the moment, one would be in it) it would be hard to believe and hope, that such a thing might happen.

Although one thing is clear. To change life for the better, building walls around us from the bitterness – because it will create only an illusion of being protected, in reality we are in an ongoing track in which we cannot find the way out from – neither to place blame on others on or the hardships that are sent on our way won’t help us.

I understand, that all of us have a different start (different family, country, city, possibilities – both emotional and material), the beginning of life, but it is not in the matter of how You begin, but how You live Your life, in which way will You use the possibility (to live). (A person had a great saying: IT IS NOT IMPORTANT, HOW YOU START, IT’S HOW YOU FINISH.) There are possibilities, different ways to approach life (to think about life), but I would surface five of all of those: we could either (1) whine about everything and everyone and to bewail on our sad destiny, to either (2) whine and bewail, but at one moment to decide that, enough, I deserve a beautiful life aswell, (3) not to whine nor bewail, but to live everything inwards and be in Your so called bubble, (4) to live everything inwards, but at some point to be able to live outwards, although not blaming others/life, (5) just to vegetate, stubbornly to be only in Your own way (,without seeing, that in life, everybody has things to learn).

We all have our hardships of life, but it would be silly to start comparing them between us – it would lead us to nothing, because there are million aspects that affect us, and also the ways, how we think about/capture them. To compare Your life to anothers lif in the means of „better/worse“ is pointless. Everyone has their strenghts and weaknesses (in the past, present and the future). At the same time, what to one seems as a weakness, to another can be a strenght. It depends on the personality, attitude towards life and choices.

For me, a strenght is to be honest towards Yourself. I like the sentence: Be honest with Yourself, only then can You be honest with others. What does this sentence consist of? What is percieved to be honesty? Not lying? Yes.
What would You say to a person, who asks for Your opinion about their clothing. Have in mind a thought, that in this concrete case You do not like this clothing (or that You would not wear it Yourself).
Would You say it out straight – ’it doesn’t suit You’ or that ’it is ugly’, or something like ’I wouldn’t wear it, but this is Your choice/it suits You.’
Do You swirl or lie and say that ’yes, it is beautiful’ although You do not mean it?
Another point of view is to apprehend a juncture that the taste of clothing is such an individual thing, that depends on a persons personality and their style (but the lifestyle is also this way). If we do not fancy something, doesn’t mean that it is ugly or wrong. If we wouldn’t wear it, doesn’t mean that it would not suit the other person. We have to depart from the plan of EGO (in other words to always originate from Your own perspective) and to see things from a bigger plan (taking in concideration many circumstances/aspects, especially the TRUTH). What is the truth? That the piece of clothing is ugly, or that we are so egoistic that we believe that our views/beliefs are the supreme? Or do we have to originate by what is told by fashion, because it is the bible? Why do we take away a possibility to choose and to feel good with things (and thoughts or views) from other person, which for them are beautiful, but which we do not comprehend? (Well, there are exceptions – if it would have to do with a murderer, I wouldn’t approve their lifestyle and choices – BUT this is another story). But this way of forcing our beliefs onto another person is exactly doing that. And not only in clothing do we do this… to the addition to all of it, we do not understant others and their lives at all, because we are so used to originating from ourselves and our needs/thoughts and taking them in count as etalons. If so, then why would we ever need other people? Why do we need love? We could do fine on our own in this life, if there was not another soul in this world but us. Or could we do fine? In the end, we have to understand, that beside us, there are others in the world aswell… and that we actually NEED OTHERS beside us. Wether You admit it to Yourself or not, this is true.

If we are not honest with ourselves, we cannot be honest with others. If we already lie to ourselves, how can we be truthful to others? How could other people trust and believe in us, if we constantly decieve ourselves? We constantly eat above our needs and tell ourselves, that we have the cravings for sweetness and that we should be able to feed it, although it is stress-eating that we’re doing. We starve ourselves, because we want to be beautiful and sight-catching, although in fact it is the inner secureness that we are lacking (and the lack of being in peace with oneself). We don’t listen to our bodies and we cannot accept ourselves the way we are – we are ashamed of ourselves. But why? There is no reason. We lie white lies to people, believing that this would be better, because in this way we won’t hurt others and we will ’protect them’ from the „hurtful“ truth, although in fact we are too cowardly, to say what we should or would want to say. Etc, etc…

We can’t assume, that the peace, resolvement, the sense of security and love towards both oneself and others will enter in us, if we constantly try to push it away from ourselves from the behaviors that come from our weaknesses. Still, if we finally realise, that to live a life that is good, that offers something to the soul, is healthy and productive, it is not neccecary to try (at times in falsification) to be liked by others, or by ourselves, or at all times to fight against the world/others, and to prove oneself (although we actually have to do this. But not out of hatred or resentment, but out of joy to be able to be who You are), then we will end living in a bubble and take a step among people.

Too bad that the world today and the society constantly try to use our weaknesses (also in the goal of making money from it). And at times there is a feeling, that to survive (both physically and mentally) we would have to be amazingly strong and resolved, not to give up. Even in the most extreme circumstances (again – both physically and mentally).

All of You, who at this time are in the rapid flows – go with the flow and let the current guide You, for a change. Look at the life through the eyes of a sincere and wondering baby, figuratively speaking, if You are able to. Because fighting against the current, to thrash around in panic and flinging our arms, instead of the belief of the fact that it is helping, You will only do harm to Yourself.
GO WITH THE RAPID FLOW: try to get used to a new thought, to let Yourself go with the flow, to give up Your EGO and the obsessions that come from it. Pretty soon You will discover that the rapid water is changing more and more calm/peaceful and flowing. Then maybe You will be able to be thankful, that You are alive, that You succumbed, You gave free hands, and in a way You gave up (but only in a positive way – You gave up fighting against life), but it led You out of a dangerous position – and You came out alive, healthy, peaceful, determined and joyous(or happy). The rapidness will pass. But if we will stay forever to thrash, to flounder, we won’t ever get to a more peaceful zone.

I hope that we will be able to relate to both others and ourselves in the same respect and HONESTY.
A hug to the one, that needs it.

All best,
L.

PS! What do You think, what would happen, when the concept of money, borders (between countries) and faith was lost…

I believe that if we start to be open to life, the miracles will appear, become available (because we simply notice).

I want to share a story that happened with me. It is about seeing what only You want to see, being stubborn in our own ways, and also not being open to different things that may happan to us.

For some reason me and my schoolfriend (when we were in about 6.-7. grade) decided to do some ‘crazy spontaneous thing’ for random/strange people on the street to lighten up their moods. I don’t remember if it was the Valentines day or if it was any other ordinary day, but I remember it was a very impulsive thought that just popped in our heads.

We decided to buy about a dozen roses and then we would roam about the Old Town of Tallinn, Estonia and we would give those roses to people that (in our minds & hearts) seemed to need a little bit of joy. I remember that with a lot of people I saw a spark in their eyes that let me believe - mission accomplished. But there was one, that didn’t - at all.

We were taking different routes in small and bigger streets, quieter courts of some old houses. There was this end to a street where there would be about 100 steps going upwards, and in the middle, there was a young man, a musician playing guitar. We went up the stairs, stopped and listened to him for a while. He looked stylish, with black pants, a lighter blouse, and an elegant jacket. While he played, at times he would close his eyes, and when he opened them, we would get a glimpse of what his soul was about. There seemed to be a sad tone about him, as he played. As he ended the song, we were stunned by his music, thankful of that moment (unconciously) we immidiately decided spontaneously that this rose would be our way of saying thanks for that music he provided for to listen to.

We, at that moment, of course, were truly naive - because he obviously was playing for money. As it happened, when the rose was reached towards him, he accepted it, and commented: “What am I supposed to do with it now?” and stared at us with a rather cold look. We didn’t know what to say. Possibly we could of explained that we did it to bring him joy, of some sort, but I am not sure if we did that since it was a long time ago. And it’s not even important, if we did. Because obviously he was looking to recieve money. (I don’t remember if we gave him some or not though)

~*~*~*~

The moral, though, of this story can be translated in multiple ways. And maybe You can also help me with it.

1. It’s no point trying to force/make someone to think the way You are thinking. (They simply may not be on the same page with You/they may see the world differently, or simply they may be in another place in their life right now.)
2. Never expect that people will always react the way You would like them to react.
3. If You are concentrating on only one certain thing, You will likely to become blind of the other options/experiences life may offer You.
4. We can’t look at the world from only one point of view.
5. When life gives You lemons, make lemonade.
6. When You grow walls around You, it’s hard to notice the simple beauty of life.
7. Even if we don’t always get what we wanted at the first place, what we do get may … sometimes be more likely what we actually need. (Love)
8. Not all good intentions are understood the way they were meant.
9. Be open to life.

In life, we all have been stubborn like that, in our own ways. But if we trust more, become more lively and ‘flowing’, open to life, I believe it’s possible to change a lot in this area. Maybe some of You find more morals of this story, or thoughts, to add - You are more than welcome to share Your thoughts here. And in fact I will expect that You will do that.

That encounter didn’t really make me do less impulsive things, but I am sure that it made me less naive.

It was any usual day of winter. I was on a walk with my dog. The territory of this place is swampy and watery, and in the middle of it there are white-gravel roads to make it possible to walk around (and take different routes) in this scenery while keeping the feet dry. Now it was winter and the road was covered with snow and it was rather icy and very slippery at times.

Before going on that road I had taken my backpack and packed a whole white bread and a camera to take with me. There is a little swamp-pond situated in the middle of the routes in the swamp and I was surely going to pass by it when I would take the walk. I packed the bread because there were ducks living at the area of the pond and for some reason I got the idea that this day was a good day to feed them.

You see, from the childhood where I lived there was this small river near by the house I was living in. My grandmother and I used to go there when I was a little child and we would feed the ducks, and the ducks would pick the pieces of bread out of my hand - that's how big their trust was. I always admired the ducks and their trust and the close connection they allowed me to have with them. Unfortunately one day, some years ago, that I decided to visit my childhood, I saw a sad scene. I saw little boys throwing stones at the ducks there at the river and chasing and teasing them while laughing themselves. I was really sad to see that. When I tried to feed the ducks after the boys were gone, they merely showed any interest at all. And they certainly kept a long distance. After I stayed there for a while they started to come closer, but still I wasn't able to handfeed them anymore. And this saddened me. The trust had gone.

After moving to another city where I started to attend to the University, there was also a river running through the city and it was farely close to where I used to live at, again. One day again I decided to try that simple joy again and went to feed the ducks at the place where all the birds gathered (there were many doing that). I was there for a while, and I had a hope that a duck would trust me enough to take a piece of bread from my hand. As I gained the birds trust staying there long enough one actually did. That was on the outside (to others) a small matter, but to me it was a whole story. (And obviously there had not been people harrassing the birds, or even if there had been, those were some smart ducks, learning and relearning again.) I thank the ducks for giving me back that little joy of my childhood.

But back to the main story: I was already on that trail with my dog and as I was walking on the pond was getting closer. On the background from the opposite direction, far from me, I saw two elderly ladies slowly walking in my direction. I saw that one of them must of been very old of age, maybe around 80, and the other must of been her daughter or close friend or relative, younger. About 60 years old. The elderly lady had trouble walking due to her age, but the other lady was helping her, and my heart melted watching them.
I reached the pond sooner, since they were walking slowly (the road was a bit icy and slippery that day) and also were further away from it. Just in case I put my dog on a leash again, because of her overbubbling energy that might scare the ones that do not know her nature thinking she might hurt them in any way. On the trail there is a custom to do that, showing the respect in case a person is afraid of strange dogs. I started to feed the ducks. The ladies fairly soon approached and started to watch the ducks eating the bread.

They noticed my dog right away and for my luck they were very trusty, loving and immidiately started to talk to my dog and pet her. If I remember correctly then one of them even told me to release her from the leash, which I later did, since I saw their silent agreement and permission for it.

After we started talking about the ducks and the life, I felt a desire to share my simple joy of feeding those ducks with those ladies. I broke the bread, that was left, in three chunks and gave one to one of the ladies and the other to another and kept one for myself. Then we all silently started to feed the ducks. (One of them even fed my dog with pieces of bread too, claiming that the dog also needs feeding. That really melted my heart and at the same time it was a bit humorous to me. My dog would even eat an raw onion if offered.)

After the bread had run out the older lady turned to me and thanked for sharing the bread with them. She had tears in her eyes. But yet she was smiling (with her presence). We changed some more thoughts and wished well for eachother and continued our walks.

I have no idea what had happened in her life and or if maybe she had been sad or lonely, or hurt for some reason, but I felt that this little gesture made offered something to her. Some kind of release. I was thankful to be able to be a 'tool' to give a little hope to that elderly lady on that day.

Having that feeling to take the bread with me on that day and meeting those ladies on that day and talking to them was a miracle for me that day. And it granted a wish I had had - to be able to give.

Me pole müüdavad.

Mis sunnib meid pöörama pead,
vaatama tagasi?
Võime andestada teiste vead,
ja iseendi...

Mis sunnib meid otsima rahu
ja vaikust?
Eemaldume teistes hetkeks,
vaikseis paigus.

Miks me ei taha minna
koos teistega?
Mööda seda rada, koos
meeletu keerisega?

Sest me pole valmis
loovutama
kõike seda
mis meie südameis
on puhas.
Kelleks me sündisime,
ja kelleks oleme saanud,
kelleks jääme,
saades tuhaks.

Me ei taha olla ühiskonna orjad,
kõike järgides,
nii nagu teised.
Peame olema meie ise.

Puhta südamega.
Rahus ja vaikuses.
(juuli 2005)

~*~*~*~

We are not for sale.

What makes us turn the head,
to look back?
The ability to forgive mistakes of others,
and ourselves...

What makes us seek for peace
and quietness?
We withdraw from others for a moment,
in quiet places.

Why don't we want to go
with the others?
On the path, with
the frantic whirl?

Because we are not ready
to give up
all this
which in our hearts
is pure.
Who we were born as
and to what we have become,
who we will stay as
as we become the ashes.

We do not want to be the slaves of the society,
to follow everything
just like the others.
We have to be ourselves.

With a pure heart.
In peace and quietness.
(In July 2005)

Ilus hing ja tema süda.

Läbi värvilise klaasi,
läbi väikse lillevaasi,
nägin mina Sinu silmi,
enne, kui nad pigistasid kinni.

Vallatute rips'te vahelt
nägin seda sädet kahelt
roheliselt silmalt,
kes mul otsa vaatsid pingsalt.

Käsi puhkas pehmel tekil,
kümme sõrme unda mekib.
Nägu rahulik ja püha,
kergelt minna lubab süda.

Minu hing, see rahu sai,
Sinu käele teen nüüd pai.
Luban minna Sinul ära
kui veel näitad silmasära.
(Mälestuseks Evaldile. Aprill 2003)

Ma seisan bussis. Olen valmis minema teatrisse ja nautima etendust. Seda võimalust pole juba jupp aga olnud. Ja ma seisan ja vaatan närviliselt kella, et olla kindel, et ma ei hilineks. Ma seisan ja vaatan aknast välja ja mõtlen, et elu on ilus. Bussi teeb järgmise peatuse ja sisse astub mustanahaline välismaalane ja seisab minu kõrvale. Ma naeratan, sest ma tean, et ma ei karda endast nö. teistsuguseid. Ma naeratan ja vaatan mujale, et mitte paista pealetükkivana või ninakana.

Teate, kuidas vahel mõne inimese hoiak Sinusse võib tekitada Sinus täiesti teise muutuse, Sinu olekus. Kui Sind aksepteeritakse ja võetakse vabalt, tunned ka ise ennast hästi ja vabas olekus.

Ta mõistis seda, ja oli näha, et kogu ta keha lõdvestus - midagi muutus.

Ma olin siiralt rõõmus, et tunnen end vabalt ja et ei pea tüüpilise eestlasena klatšima või mõtlema mingeid negatiivseid mõtteid nagu et a la "mida see neeger siin Eestimaal teeb" jne jne. Miks me alati tahame teisi mustata? Et end paremana näidata? Miks küll? See on alandav hoopis enesele, mitte sellele, keda mustatakse.

Mõtlen nii, ja järsku tunnen ensel kellegi pilku. See on see sama noormees. Ja tal on nii sõbralikud silmad. Vaatan talle otsa ja me mõlemad naeratame. Uskuge või ei, aga ma ei ole elus mitte kunagi midagi sellist teinud. Naerge või herneks, aga pole. Tuleb minu peatus ja ma pean maha minema. Lähen, ja me vaatame veel teineteisele pikalt järele. U 5. minutit siirust. Ilma mingite eesmärkide ega tagamõteteta. Lihtsalt, ilus hetk.

Ma põlesin sees. Ma oleksin pidanud midagi ütlema talle, aga ma ei öelnud. Oleksin võinud. Oleksin. Paha sõna. Palju asju, mida OLEKSIME võinud teha. Aga milleni kunagi ei jõudnudki. Või siiski? Võibolla see pilk rääkis enese eest. Need pruunid silmad minu rohelis-hallikatele silmadele ja vastupidi.

Kuid ma tean, et midagi meie mõlema hinges puutus kokku. See sama siirus ja lihtne naeratus ja siiras silmavaade.

Uskuge, kui te suudate olla nii vaba, et naeratada ka võõrale inimesele ilma mingite tagamõteteta või suhelda ka võõraga suhtudes temasse soojalt, siis mõistate sellis(t)e hetke(de) taga nii mõndagi. Me ei tohiks olla nii endasse sulgunud, vaid olla avatud elule, ka võõrastele, sest vahest võimes võõras inimeses leida midagi, mis oleks justkui osa meist endist.

Parimat,
L.

"Wise people discuss ideas. Fools discuss how people should behave."

This sentence is very possible to misinterpret.

We all expect people to ‘love life, yourself and others’ and ‘grow’, ‘be alive’ etc/etc. and we discuss how to get there in this blog a lot. I guess that makes us fools? No. We are trying to grow and share the possibility with others.

I guess this sentence is offering a choice of having the possibilities open, not narrowing it down to what we believe is right. But to have choices (and possibly the ability to manouver around them and find the best for ourself).

We shouldn’t tell others how to be or what to do because we live by our standards. Other people have their own standards and that is ok. It is not a good idea to start scaling the standards. None is better than the other. We just have it different. But discussing ideas, or possibilities of different standards or ways is ok. “Do this, do that, then You will get this (or that)” is definitely a question mark. Because when I do this, I may get that. But when other people does this, they may get another thing. Not sure if You follow… but what I’m saying, there isn’t one textbook answer. And in life, situations are so variable that every situation needs a fresh perception. We cannot fall only in categories but we have to have different perspectives in mind.

Leaving things open and having things to choose from is one big step to freedom of mind, heart and life. Thats one thing we all need.

~*~*~*~
ANOTHER TOPIC:
LIES and telling lies.

I ask You following:
What is the reason behind telling the truth?
What is the reason behind what we need to tell another person?
And finally: what is our heart doing when we need to tell another person something?

Is it a trivial matter? Is it something serious? Is it about our life, about theirs? Is it to spread our ideas or share a different point of view? Is it to find out something new or confront a person? There is a different answer in a different situations.

~*~*~*~

On the other matter.
When we say ‘This dress looks awful’, we are passing on judgement depending on our personal perspective, choices and taste. Our taste isn’t someone elses taste. And because (IF) we understand it, we will not speak ‘the truth’ because we simply understand that it’s just our point of view and not a “RULE”. In other words. It is our so called truth. We understand that these things are deeply individual and speak of a certain person. Estonian presidents wife Evelin Ilves is constantly critizised about the way she dresses, because to the critiques it is always WRONG. Of course, behind that is to find publicity and fame and a reason to critizise. That is blind way of mind, another attempt to “control” and to undermind someone. To give the “supreme”, the “bestest” opinion. In my eyes it is degrading the person who is saying it, because they do not understand that life is not about those things (indeed). So telling someone that kind of “TRUTH” (that they look awful or the dress is ugly) is not telling the truth, but actually either being untactful or unrespective of another person, denying their right to their opinion, choices and thoughts.

In other words - not telling someone that their dress is awful and keeping quiet about it is not being untruthful. Neither is telling someone who in our opinion (even if we have it) isn’t wearing a “nice” dress that she is wearing a nice dress a lie, because to that person it is a nice dress. And just because we might not wear it does not mean that they are less worthy or untasteful or in need to be compared with us at all times.
But if we understand it, then we won’t even think that way, because we understand that these things are individual.

And so are our choices in life, our personalities, our lives and the roads we’ve taken, the experiences we’ve got.

~*~*~*~

There is no point in telling lies when we feel we should tell the truth.

~*~*~*~

There is no point in telling lies when we know that to save our dignity, our life, our persona and love for other(s) or ourselves the lie (that we might tell) can destruct us. Or make us feel sorry for not being able to say those words (as last weeks quote: important words need to be said.).

~*~*~*~

There is no need to please others by telling lies that they might like instead of telling the truth that takes that person to a new understanding or state.

~*~*~*~

Unfortunately often You cannot say the truth at all times, because You understand that the other person is not ready to hear the truth. (I’ve seen it happen, that when You pick a “RIGHT moment” then a person accepts what You are saying to them, instead of another moment when You are doing the same things, maybe even saying the same words out and be either rejected, not listened to, laughed at or just main numbness and no answer.)

And unfortunately not always can we pick the right time.

~*~*~*~

I know this much is true.

Nägin täna imelikku und. Keegi oli jäädavalt haige. Ta ütles, kui palju kulub igakuiselt tema ravikuludeks. Ta ütles 360. Ma jäin unes olles mõttesse, ja siis avastasin (Ahaa! moment) et 360... kas aastas pole mitte 360 päeva? Kas see on järgmine märk, et aasta pärast juhtub midagi? Täpselt aasta pärast, 18. või 19. oktoobril.

Huvitav.

~*~*~*~

I saw a weird dream today. Someone was permanently ill. He said how much his monthly medicine cests. He said 360. In the dream I started to ponder, and then I recalled (Oh! moment) that 360... isn't there 360 days in a year? Is this the next sign that in a year something will happen? Exactly in one year, on the 18th or 19th October.

Interesting.

I love silly things, and when people risk with the possibility of maybe being a bit humiliated showing their affection to someone in a sincere way. In my eyes, it shows the dedication of the person, the wish to be with me, the vocation and unconditional love that they feel towards me. I haven't felt or done anything like this for a while. Being vounarable, trusting, and being "alive" of life at every situation in front of a person. Possibly, because there hasn't been a right person. Possibly because there hasn't been that feeling. But I remembered that feeling today. What it feels to be free.

We should be open to life. That is the ideal, for me.

I saw a video today that captured these moments - being a live. Being able to risk with being a bit vounarable. Reading the signs. Finding life through finding love (love to life, really). It reminded me of those feelings I haven't felt in a while, and as I am writing it, I'm shaking with my whole body. I am just scared, because I feel like there are some changes that may be coming my way. It's almost like I'm being tested daily. Tested of how open, how free and how flowing I can be, in the subject of love, life and enjoying it/living it fully.

Sure, I've been holding back in the past. But there was a time that I needed it, to grow. Now the cicrumstances are, may I say, ripe. But I will keep on living with no expectations, because 'life surprises us at the most unexpected moments'. And I know my instincts are right. Today was also emotional for me, because it was a final 'goodbye' and letting go of certain old memories and people. A new stage of life, so to say.

~*~*~*~

I shared this video with a couple of people. Someone told me that this video is silly and kinda pathetic. Well. I like silly things like that (as I explained earlier). That uncertainty of the persons actions (in that video or when a person acts this way) shows to me some kind of an innocence, pureness. Shyness. I'm so oldfashioned and reserved and I love these kind of awkward moments, even if I may be the one who's offering that to others. Believe me, it's been both ways in my life.

I think that kind of an awkwardness holds truth in itself. People who know how to manipulate or who are good at building walls around themselves (with jokes, flirting, being far in mind, acting as someone else) or very good at communication think it's silly and pathetic. Sure. I prefer a honest reaction from them. Sincerety. This world today doesn't show a lot of it, so I think of it as a pearl moment. Something special. Why not act in the moment and be silly, without all the preppiness and smalltalk or clever jokes or flirting. Why not just be what You are. I don't get it, why people want to be someone else, not themselves. Or if not that, then they feel like they are on top of things or just "better" than that guy in that video. I thought he was sweet.

I will let him believe what he wants, because everyone has a right to their own perception and opinion. I just know that my view is never inspired from trying to undermind someone or thinking my views are better. What IS better? There is no such thing.

There is no such thing as perfect, either. Perfect is different to all of us. And sometimes we don't even have a clue, what our perfect really is, because we've been living the wrong way our whole life.

I am not mad. I am sad for a person who sees the world only in black and white. Wrong and right. Good and bad. There is no such thing. Life is a zoo and a mix of a coctail. Take me as I am, for I am not planning to be someone else. And if You think I am silly, stupid, naive or dumb - it is totally Your right to have such an opinion. And in a way, You are right.

~*~*~*~

Still, I love people who build, instead of tearing down.
I love people who create instead of destroy.
I love people who love instead of hate.
And I love people who inspire instead of undermind.

So I thank everyone who are this way and hope that someday I may also be an inspiration.

~*~*~*~

I am still shaking, it is not, because I am upset, but the fact that I am finding it all, day by day. I am excited and thankful, in motion. Constantly reborn and lively, as a butterfly. Life is too short, indeed, to wollow in sorrow, to fear and to take joy of other people's misery or weaknesses. Life is for living, and that is our main job here on earth, and to find ourselves, if we have not done it yet, or if we've lost ourselves, for some reason. 

Thank You, D. for reminding me and for sharing that video. You've inspired me again.

Life indeed is beautiful.
I feel loved.

Big things begin from starting small matters.

~*~*~*~

Suured asjad juhtuvad tehes väikeseid.

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh, the truth hurts and lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before?

(Tõlkida saab googlesis, kui soovid eesti keeles seda lugeda.)

~*~*~*~

Tänase päeva teade: Parem öelda välja, mis on vaja öelda, isegi kui see võib olla valus teisel kuulata, või enesel öelda. Parem rääkimist mitte edasi lükata või oodata. Kuigi kui Sul on hea enesetunnetus või tunnetus "õige hetke" suhtes, siis vali hetk, mis on selleks sobivaim.

~*~*~*~

Today's message: Better to say, what needs to be said, even if it may be hurtful to others to listen or hurtful to Yourself to say it. Better not to prolong talking about it, or to wait talking about it. Although if You have a good self-cognition or a good reckognition of the "right moment", then pick a moment, which would be at the best time.

~*~*~*~

I have a message from the other side that I need to share with You.
May it bring You release:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2lazFWT2AA

Tears In Heaven
by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I’ll find my way
Through night and day,
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There’s peace I’m sure,
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven.

~*~*~*~

I might be performing it on the Day of Souls (or Day of the Ghosts), 2nd of November. Because I think it was a double sign. . . in my dreams I saw myself singing this song while someone was playing the keyboard on the side. If it has to happen, it will.

~*~*~*~